A Twist of the Atoms and Off You Go!
by sarahbuggs
Summary: Phantom obsessed Sarah Beetrock gets a diary as party favor, and begins writing in it about her life. What will happen when Sarah lays sleeping one night with her journal in her hand, and a strange man visits her dreams and sends her to a far away place?
1. The Phantom of the Opera is Here

Author's note:

This is a story of a girl named Sarah Beetrock, namely me. This story will be a bit like a live journal in the beginning, but I promise you it will turn into a fanfic soon. I do not own any of the Phantom of the Opera stuff, damn it! But I will!... Someday!... My mommy says if I believe in myself my dreams will come true!... So yeah!… Excuse my pathetic brain elf for butting in there. ; ) And now on with the story!

-XXX-

Thursday, June 10, 2005

Dear Angel of Music,

I just got this diary yesterday, from Deborah's birthday party as a party favor. I've decided to dedicate it to the worshipping of the immensely sacred Phantom of the Opera. I solemnly swear that I Sarah Beetrock will respect and admire GErik, (Gerard Butler Erik) Erik, or any other form of the phantom for the rest of my life. I have written a revised Pledge of Allegiance, pertaining mostly too Phantom phans. Here it is…

I pledge Allegiance,

To the phantom,

Of the Opera Populair/ Garnier'

And to Christine,

Although she stands,

Under Erik,

Unfoppable,

With music,

And darkness,

For all!

* * *

So, did you like it? Hate it? Please R+R. I will not update until I get at least 5 reveiws, I don't mind flames, as long as they have the reason that they are flames in them. 


	2. Order Your Fine Horses Now!

Friday, June 18, 2005

Dear Angel of Music,

He was so beautiful up there last night; I can't even express how much my heart jolted just seeing him. I just sat there, smack in the middle of the auditorium watching him, barely aware that there was a full house, hardly knowing that my family was there with me. Watching, hoping he could see me, wishing he would notice me, admire me, love me. Knowing that he didn't, but dreaming all the same.

I dream of his smooth, sweet, almost chocolaty voice at night, singing to me, singing _for_ me. I love him with all my heart. But he'll never love me. No, he could never love me.

Alex says he's a fop, but I think of Jake as a musical angel. When I first met Alex, I wondered at how she could be so freely unique, so willing to be completely herself. I wanted to be like that, to be able to wear mismatched socks and not have a care in the world whether or not people would laugh or tease me; to say "you rock my sox", in stead of "H.A.G.S." in peoples' yearbooks. So I hung out with her. Got to know her. I soon found out that she was obsessed with The Phantom of the Opera, so after hanging out with her for a while, I became obsessed too.

Jake is, and has been for the past year, my major crush. He's like, the hottest, cutest, sweetest, funniest, greatest,… Okay, so maybe I'm going a little over board here, but he is really talented.

Maybe I should tell you about most of the people I'm going to talk about in this diary, First of all, Alex, I've already told you about her, she is officially one of my best friends. Then there's D.J. Her real name is Djovan, but we all call her D.J. for short. I met her because of Alex. Alex and D.J. are best friends. When I met Alex, I also met D.J. D.J. is really fun to be around, but she is also a bit odd. But then again, I shouldn't be talking, because we're all a bit odd. I would have to say D.J. is the oddest though. She is always wearing black, but Alex wears black a lot too. D.J. is a little perverted though. Okay, that's an understatement. She drools for hours at a time at pictures of Gerard Butler in his role as Phantom in The Phantom of the Opera. Oh, did I mention that she's obsessed with The Phantom of the Opera too? Well she is. And she also has that great quality that Alex has, the ambition to be different. She is really a lot of fun to be with.

Carol is a really sweet, fun, happy kind of person. She is really crafty, and very creative. I met Carol because she sat at my lunch table this school year. Sometimes I call her Mooly, because she looks frighteningly like my friend Molly from camp and the nickname that everyone at camp calls Molly is Mooly, which she doesn't like very much, so I took it upon myself to pass the name on to Carol, as a joke. She then proceeded in calling me Mooly Mama, don't ask me why. She's really nice, but a bit naïve. She never curses and scolds us all if any of us curse. But I guess we probably shouldn't be cursing at our age, (12).

There's also Deborah, she had the exact same schedule as Alex and D.J., and so they got to know each other. Then when the 2005 Phantom movie came out, they invited her to come with all of us to the movie and when they became obsessed with The Phantom of the Opera too, we all became friends with her. Deborah is friendly, fun to be with, and spunky. But she can get on your nerves once in a while. She says insulting things often. But she doesn't usually mean it. Deborah is really cool and she is lots of fun.

And of course we can't forget Shira. Shira is always crushing on some boy or another, but her crushes usually only last a week or two. It's pretty funny actually. Some times I think she's gonna run out of boys to have crushes on. We met Shira the same way we met Deborah. Shira's a really funny girl who is fun to hang out with and always good for a laugh.

Well that's my phantom fan squad for you, funny, spunky, sweet, odd, and unique.

-XXX-

And then of course there's Elizabeth. She is my ten year old sister who some times I wish was never born. You could call her a brat, or of course, you could be optimistic and say she's a sweet little idiot! Do you know what she did to me today? Or are you already too depressed to hear of such horrible mistreatment of your loving older sibling? I'll tell you anyway.

Me, my four yr old brother Peter, Elizabeth, and the 18 yr old sitter Emma were playing sardines. It was Emma's turn to hide, so Elizabeth, Peter, and I were counting for Emma to hide, and I saw Elizabeth peek. So I told her, "Don't peek!" and she slapped me for saying she peeked. I was outraged at the fact that my own little sister would slap me, so I hit her back. She, being the little winy suck up of a bitch she is, started to cry like I had stabbed her with a knife. I stalked off. When Emma found me in my room, she said we should apologize. Naturally, I refused to do so until Elizabeth did. So she refused to apologize to, and I quote "a stupid git". Emma being the one in charge said she wouldn't play with any one until we made up.

So Elizabeth said to me, "Please just say sorry already! Emma's going to college soon, and this might be the last time I see her."

I said "Why should I apologize to you for your own selfish reasons? Why can't you apologize first? Besides, you hit me first!"

She told me that she had already apologized, which she hadn't, and that I should apologize. I told her she hadn't said sorry, and she said she had. I told her that even if she had I hadn't heard her and that she should try again louder. So she apologized (not very nicely) and then when I apologized she asked me why I couldn't apologize nicely (which I had). Then she threw papers at me and started crying again, the stupid crybaby. I apologized again twice more and she persisted in running her faucet, on my new beanbag chair! So she wouldn't accept my apologies, or apologize nicely herself. She is such an ignorant bitch. I can't stand that sniveling bag of crap!

-XXX-

I've cooled down finally, been listening to some Phantom of the Opera music. (movie soundtrack) Also I've been reading some fanfics. NamelyThe luv Box, and The letters. They're by the author dmwizrdbabe99. They were really good. Good by for today, my dearest Phantom/ Angel.

* * *

There! A nice three page update for you. Now will you please reveiw? I'm running out of ideas, and if I don't get at least 5 reveiws I will not update. :D


	3. In All Your Fantasies

Friday December 05, 2005

Dear Angel of Music,

I have not written to you for half a year now! The reason being, that I have not had the need to. Now, I fear the only way I'll be able to sort out my feelings, is if I put them down on paper. I've gotten over the pathetic crush on Jake. But there's someone else now.

His name is Nikie Vevlen. He is… I can't even describe him. The weird thing is that this time, this crush, is different. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he's my friend, and all the other boys I've liked were really only acquaintances. But then again, maybe it doesn't. It's like this: With all the other boys I've liked, I would obsess over them for about a day or too, and then calm down about it, and just be like, okay, I like him. When I thought about what I would like it to be like between the boy and I, I kind of just imagined us hanging out together, and maybe holding hands. (Fingers not entwined.)

This time, when ever I am around him, I have urges to throw my arms around him and kiss him. (I don't of course.) I obsess over him endlessly and constantly, and I think about him relentlessly. The thing is that I can't stop myself from thinking about him. My theory is that my obsessive brain elf has become a tyrant, and is taking over my mind.

D.J. and I talked on the phone the other night, she gave me tips on how to get a guy. I swear there should be a class in school on this stuff! The notes I took covered the front and back of the loose leaf paper! After that, I folded up the paper, and stuck it under the heel of the sole in my right sneaker. I plan on keeping it there in case I ever need it. Then I can just run to the bathroom, and pull it out.

Tomorrow is the Battle of the Bands at my school, and Nikie is in it. I'm going of course, why miss the chance to stare at him the whole night without having to come up with an excuse? The worst part of it is that I can't tell him. If I do, he is the kind of guy who will freak out and avoid me for the rest of the year. And even if he doesn't, our friendship will be ruined if he doesn't like me, and if he does, well, we'll have to break up eventually, right? And then our friendship will be ruined. So either way I can't win.

I think I am either going mad, or I'm deeply in love, or both. I have got to end this somehow. I can't go on living like this. I'll go even more insane than I already am! I can't concentrate in class, I'm forgetting projects and tests until I realize the night before, and I can never put my full attention on anything, because he's always there in the back of my mind. His face is constantly in my mind's eye, swimming in and out of focus. His voice repeats itself over and over again

Every night I go to bed, feeling the aching pain in my chest, the ache that I fear will never go away. It is the ache of my longing to come out of my shell and reveal to him the truth. I play little scenarios over and over again in my head, all the while knowing, deep inside, that they can never come true.

Help! Is this love, obsession, or just a crush? What's wrong with me? My grades are slipping, my friends are starting to get annoyed, and my life is getting to confusing to handle. How am I supposed to get rid of this obsession, or whatever it is? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggg! What do I do? How do I deal with this creature that's invading my mind? It's unbearable, and I'm becoming unbearable because of it! I WON'T STAND FOR THIS INSUFFERABLE MOCCERY OF THE MIND ANY MORE! I have to find some way, _ANY_ way to get rid of it. OH HELP!

Thursday January 12, 2006

Mmmm… He is so wonderful. He has his flaws, it's true, but over all he is a magnificent person. Yes, he's got a bad haircut, and it's true, he is quite weird, he can't sing but he thinks he can, he's a tiny bit chubby, and kind of loud, but I appreciate and admire these things about him, because they make him who he is. I think that if he didn't have these flaws, he would be perfect; _perfectly boring_. I am glad he's not perfect. Because if he were, he'd be too… well, perfect. And I don't think I would like him very much…

Sigh He is so overwhelming. His deep, penetrating eyes, his wild smile, his air guitar, his perfect lips… I have got to stop this! All the same, although I had thought they had stopped, today the urges must have started again. Two or three times at lunch today I had the urge to lean forward capture his lips in mine. He seems to put his face close to mine often whether it's because we're giving each other playful evil looks, or having a staring contest, it seems like his face ends up only a few inches from my nose at least once a day now. And every time that happens, I have this overpowering urge to kiss him, which many a time I have _almost_ given in to.

Oh! What am I to do? I'm not strong like alex, but I guess her situation isn't quite as hard, because she doesn't see her _certain person_ every day, and he lives far away from here. She only sees him at camp. But maybe that's worse. I wouldn't know, I've never been in that situation. Oh help!

* * *

As you may be able to tell, the name of the boy is scrambled. If you can figure out what it actually is, and you review with constructive criticism and put your guess at the top, I will put u in as a guest star. Also, if you would like to be a guest star, please add in the review what you would like to look like, what I should call you in it, and any other details you would like me to put in.

I am actually in the situation that this chapter is about, and all of it is true. If you have any suggestions for me, please review and tell me, because it's getting to be ridiculous already. Thank you so much!

Sarah/Q – Star Trek the Next Generation


	4. Either Way You Choose, You Cannot Win

Friday, January 20, 2006,

Dear Angel,

I am going tell him (Nikie of course). I can't stand it any more. It has to end or I swear I'll go insane! Or die of an over-swollen heart, if that's possible…

I need a perfect way to tell him how I feel about him. It has to be grasping, so he can hardly say no, but not to emotional, because you know how guys get scared off by strong feminine emotion. Also, it shouldn't be too blunt, because I want him to at least begin to understand how strongly the flame of love pulses through my veins.

I'm trying to decide whether to show him the poems, put them in his locker, or give him a mini monologue.

These are the poems:

_**

* * *

**_

Perfect Isn't Love

_My heart has swollen to the size of a football in my chest._

_It leaves me no space for breathing._

_I smile and wave as he passes by._

_Then I gasp a shallow breath._

_I feel as if my chest nearly explodes every time he smiles,_

_If he directs the smiles at me I'll never know._

_People say we'd be a perfect for each other,_

_But I say perfect isn't love._

_There is nothing more that I want,_

_And there is nothing that I want more._

_**

* * *

**_

His Face

_I believe that his face will haunt me endlessly, _

_As the reminder of the love I will never receive from him. _

_His sparkling eyes proving how happy he is without me, _

_How the thought of needing me never crossed his mind, _

_And how the thought that I might need him was just as absent. _

_His lips perfect, and untouched,_

_So many smiles but none for me. _

_Brown highlighted hair flopped over his forehead, _

_Carelessly resting there because he has nobody to brush it away for him. _

_And yet, he wants nobody. _

_People say I'm nobody, I know I'm not, _

_Although sometimes I wish I was. _

_**

* * *

**_

_**Odd Numbers**_

_It seems that the world is full of odd numbers, _

_And there's always one left out. _

_Whenever Cupid decides to let fly an arrow, _

_It seems that he always runs out of them _

_Before he gets around to hitting a second person for the last pair. _

_One is left alone and lovesick. _

_It's true that an odd plus an odd equals an even, _

_But it seems impossible to find the other odd. _

_All is not even and fair,_

_One is left without a pair. _

_So it is with love. _

_Love is not fair. _

_Especially when you are the one. _

_I am the one. _

* * *

I wrote them thinking of him, and when I read them to Alex, they actually made her depressed! That is a compliment! Not much can depress Alex, she is really strong, and doesn't get emotional easily. She's lucky. I don't know what's gotten into me lately, I know I won't be able to last the year with this feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I see him, but I can't tell him! If I tell him, it's the end of our friendship for sure! And I can't risk sacrificing that. Maybe it will pass. Yeah! I just wait for the feeling of love to pass! It's genius!

Oh, what am I kidding myself? This won't pass. This is love! I just am going to have to deal with it! No… But I can't! I have to tell him. It's the only way to end this… Or start it. But really, he doesn't like me. I am a weird quirky girl who he takes pity on and tolerates only because she listens to Green Day, and hangs out with awesome people like Alex, Dj, and Shira. (He hates Deborah). But all the same, I cannot live with this mental torment. The only way is to go and get my heart broken. It's the only way.

_**

* * *

At school the next day…**_**

* * *

Sarah: Hi Nikie!**

**Nikie Vevlen:** Hey!

**Nikie Vevlen:** You know the whole thing with Jake getting the part of Joseph is ridiculous. He's such a show off!

**Sarah:** He's really not that bad once you get to know him.

**Nikie Vevlen:** No, he really is.

**Sarah:** Whatever. So, um, Nikie, can I talk to you?

**Nikie Vevlen:** Sure.

**Sarah:** Come here.

**Nikie Vevlen:** So, what's up?

**Sarah:** Um, well Nikie, I kind of like you…

**Nikie Vevlen: **Uh… Uhh… Oh.

**Sarah:** Yeah…

**Nikie Vevlen: **Since when?

**Sarah: **Since I met you…

**Nikie Vevlen: **Um well, can I have some time to think this over?

**Sarah: **Um, yeah sure, so tell me when you decide, okay?

**Nikie Vevlen: **Okay, well, see ya…

* * *

So, what did you think? Will he say yes? Will he say no? Got you on a bit of a cliffy there eh? Please review, and special thanks to my best reviewers, APickleNamedFrizz61892525, Kathy.L, and Meghan! 


	5. It's Over Now, The Music Of The Night!

Thursday, March 2, 2006

Dear Angel of Music,

The depression's finally caught up with me. I guess in all of today's excitement it didn't have a chance to sink in. He **_rejected_** me! He doesn't like me! The one and only person I have ever felt so strongly about in my entire life doesn't like me. And on top of that I fucked up what we already had, there isn't a very good chance our friendship will ever be the same again. And it is my entire selfish fault. I was too self-centered to appreciate what I already had, and wanted more, as usual. So I went and put our friendship on the line for my own selfish reasons. And now it will probably never be the same again. God! How could I have been so stupid! I've probably ruined anything we ever had between us, and my only consolation is that he at least liked me as a friend, because he asked if we could still be friends. Not much of a consolation. I hate being depressed.

To think, that I will never see his smiling face again without remembering that moment.

_

* * *

(Flashback) __

* * *

Nikie: Well the truth is… I like someone else._

_Sarah: Oh… Okay, cool… t-t-that's… That's fine…_

_Sarah's face fell with a look of true brokenness on it. She tipped her head forward and let her dark hair fall in front of her face like a rippling dark waterfall, so Nikie wouldn't see her tears, as they seared hot wet paths down her cheeks. Her eyes burned like someone had rubbed burning coals in them. And she knew she would never know him again, the same way she had known him before. And it hurt. A lot. _

_

* * *

(End flashback)_

* * *

That was the last time I saw him angel. He's been avoiding me ever since then. I want to see him. I wonder why he avoids me so. I want to see him badly, and yet I don't. I'm frightened and shy. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I feel like a coward, but I think he's a coward for avoiding me. Maybe I have a split personality. No, that's stupid, I can't have a split personality, I am just confused. Oh but I'm so confused! It's like a disease I can't rid myself of. A feeling I can't shake off. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate Nikie. I want to hate him, but I can't get rid of that feeling of longing; longing to be with him every waking moment, to experience the spark of love that happens when lips meet for the first time, the spark I've only read about. I want to know always, that he loves me. But no. He doesn't and never will. 

He thinks he's going to die, or get a horrible sickness, and pass it on to others because he has a weak immune system. He thinks of himself as a sickly boy that doesn't have much life left to live. He's afraid to be close with anyone, and he runs away from intense emotion of any kind. Nikie has a sad story to tell, and I'm part of it. I'm Sarah, the weirdo he rejected. He likes someone else. I'm not that someone. I wish I was.

And I'm mad. Both of the meanings of the word mad could apply to me, I do believe this ordeal is driving me to insanity, but I am also angry at myself. I'm mad at the world, I'm mad at life, and I'm mad at Nikie. I want him to die and be tortured with guilt and remorse for turning me down. But no; I don't, I want him to be safe and cozy somewhere where nothing can hurt him. I want him to be happy and untroubled. Because if he's happy, it makes me happy. Or at least happier… No, I'm not happy. And I never will be happy. Not if he doesn't love me. And he could never love this wench that is me. This silly girl who is so selfish and stupid. No.

It's not as if I blame him. It's not as if I'm pretty, and you've got to be stupid to wear your heart on your sleeve… like I do. Did. Never again will I be so ignorant with someone I love. Alas, I will never love anyone else the way I do Nikie. Please angel, what should I do? I need help. I need to know that someone really is there, watching over me, because at this point, I'm starting to feel neglected and abandoned. I am starting to doubt that I even have an angel of music. I mean, what did I ever do to deserve one? And yet I think knowing the truth will somehow comfort me. Please, if you are up there angel, do something; anything. Give me a sign.

Sincerely wretched and confused,

Sarah Beetrock


End file.
